Fall

It has been three years since I wrote the first version of the text. There are a few things that are still the same. Yet, I decided to post this again with a couple of changes.

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 You can see the orange leaves in the ground if you look down, and the almost empty trees if you look up. Look around and you will see the houses, with the skeletons and the pumpkins starring back at you. And if you look closer, you will notice that the usual raindrops are whiter.

Sometimes, it’s hard to realize that I’m actually here: it seems that if I open my eyes I will just face my old town’s streets. Instead, I see this large avenue with the city lights still on, even this late.

I must hold myself not to pinch my arm: why does this looks so much like a dream? I’ve been in Quebec for more than a year and a half now, but it seems like yesterday I was in Brazil. Time flies, and here… well, so do I.

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 The phrases in French gather in my head like a puzzle. Never a headache at the end of the day felt so pleasant. Never a language felt so natural.

It is easy to feel lonely. To have people around you, yet, to be alone. To think too much. Should I be here?

 My daily routine: to learn and the cold weather. And love. And warm. And home. I can tell: now, this is my home.

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 School is still school, boredom is still boredom, I’m still me. I stick with the drama, the urge to enjoy life and the curiosity. Mixed with French, it’s not a surprise that I’ve never felt so poetic in my whole life.


If I miss my parents and friends in Brazil? No, I don’t miss them. The word “miss”, in English, in a certain way, means “lose”, “lack of something”. But I don’t feel that way. I never “loose” them. I know where they are: waiting and cheering for me. And there’s no one missing: knowing they are waiting is enough.

 But I have “saudades”. For those that don’t know, “saudades” is a word that only exist in Portuguese and has no immediate translation in other languages. Saudades is a feeling of nostalgia, is yearning, is a state of spirit, a little pain in the chest you feel when you are far away from someone you love. So, I don’t miss the people from Brazil. I have saudades of them.

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 I’ve made so many extraordinary things until now, so I can only affirm: I don’t mind if the leaves fall, and the snow afterwards. I don’t mind the falling tears. Or falling (even more) in love. Or falling apart. Cause it’s a lovely fall. Even the season.